Repentance
by RedUmbrellas
Summary: After bringing Edward back from the dead, Alphonse is gone. Now Edward's alone, and desperate to bring Al back no matter what the cost to himself. But Ed's different. Something happened at the Gate, and he's not the same. There's something in his head.
1. Blame

**This has been sitting around for a while and it's something I really want to see come to life.**

**It's based around the anime, taking place after Envy kills Ed, and Al sacrifices himself to bring him back. Rose has already left, and Ed's **_**about**_** to sacrifice himself for Al. Archer doesn't shoot Roy in this version and Roy only have the wounds from his fight with the Fuhrer This is only the first chapter and it may be a bit confusing with who is talking, but please bear with it and ask me if you have any questions. So… please enjoy!**

_xoxoxoxoxoxoxo_

Buried deep below the sun; the lost underground city. A whole culture forgotten overnight. Trapped beneath the soil right under everyone's feet; its walls hid secrets. Dark secrets.

Puddles of blood formed sporadic patterns on the wooden floor. The ghastly scene reflected in the crimson substance. Hauntingly beautiful, this was the room where he had been killed by the homunculus, Envy. The same room where his younger brother had used the Philosopher's Stone, and successfully sacrificed his own life to bring him back from the dead.

Edward stood in the middle of a large transmutation circle which lay in the centre of the exquisite ballroom. The design danced their intricate lines in various patterns, locking him in.

His whole world was spinning. Everything was a blur, and yet crystal clear. A voice whirled throughout his head; it mixed with his own hazy thoughts, gaining access to every crevice of his being. The voice taunted him.

_**It's all your fault, Edward.**_

Al was gone. He had healed Ed's fatal wounds and given back his missing limbs. In all truth, Edward never had any intention of getting them back. Though he never told Alphonse; Al wouldn't like that. He wanted to get them back _for_ Ed, feeling that it was his fault they were gone. But it wasn't Al's fault. It was his own sin that had caused them to be taken. It was payment.

His automail represented that sin. It was _his_ mistake, and his alone. No one else could take the blame. That's why he had to live with the automail, making no excuses and without complaining. Taking the pain and any other punishment that came with it. That was part of his sacrifice.

But Al didn't deserve to be in that body. Al was at no fault; Ed had dragged his brother into it. That's why it was Ed's duty to fix him. To fix what he had broken.

But, once again, he had failed, and once again, pulled Al into it. Once again Al had been hurt by his actions. Once again...

_**You have to bring your brother back, Edward.**_

The voice was right; he was only breathing for one thing now. It was his crutch and the only reason he didn't give up and cave into his emotions. He had to bring Alphonse back. He had no hesitations in doing it. But would it work? A life for a life had never been enough. But still…

There was more than a life involved here. It was his journey. All the pain so far. That was part of the cost. He was going to offer his pain to the Gate, along with his body and soul.

"If what my dad said about the gate is true, Al's old body and mind should still be there. But now his soul is there too. Maybe life has no equal trade; maybe you can give up all you've got and get nothing back. But still, even if I can't prove it's true, I have to try. For your sake… Al." Ed took a deep breath.

For Al.

No second thoughts. Only regrets.

He fully understood that he was never going to see his brother again. He wasn't going to feel Alphonse's soft skin against his own, the only thing he'd been longing for since their tiresome journey began. And he knew he was never going to live again. To breath. He was content as long as there was a chance, just the slightest, that Al could live and be happy.

"For Al."

_**Do it, Edward.**_

He lifted his arms, bringing his palms together in front of his bare chest. Closing his eyes, he listened to its echo off the walls. The last time he would ever hear that sound.

_**Hurry up.**_

His hands started to rise, to connect to the circles drawn in his own blood. But there was an echo of a sound in the background.

"Edward?" Something tugged him away from his task. It was far away in the distance, but it was there.

"EDWARD!"

He didn't move. Ed didn't know what was happening. He swayed, his mind telling him something wasn't right, that he needed to look around. But the other voice was telling otherwise.

_**Keep going, Edward. Your brother's waiting for you. Are you going to make him wait even longer, put him through more pain than you have already have?**_

…_No._

His ignored the distraction and his hands continued on their path to the transmutation circles.

Roy sprinted over to him as fast as he could, grabbed Ed's flesh right arm and yanked him away from the circle.

Edward blinked; everything was a blur of colour. He had to save Al before it was too late. Something was stopping him from saving his brother.

Roy looked down at the blonde alchemist with a shocked expression planted on his face. Roy's eyes widened when he noticed Ed's right arm. It was flesh again. Thoughts raced through his head; he didn't know what to think, or which to ask first.

_His arm? It's flesh? Where is Al? Does he have his body back too? What is Ed doing down here? And with these transmutation circles?_ He had only gotten a brief look at the circle drawn on the floor, and he didn't know what it did, but he knew it couldn't be anything good. Especially when Edward was involved.

"What are you doing?" he asked firmly, looking into Ed's eyes for the first time since he entered the room. They were glossy and glazed over. There was no life in them, and it didn't even look like the boy was conscious. But he was. He was standing and his eyes were open.

"What are you doing?" he asked the boy again, with more force this time. He had to get an answer.

_**You're saving your brother, Edward.**_

"Saving Al." Ed replied, simply. His voice no longer a whisper. Roy had never seen Edward like this.

Roy frowned for a moment. Saving Al? Where _was_ Al? Saving him from-

Then his charcoal eyes widened in understanding. He knew what Edward was doing. Why he was down here alone. Where Al was. And what that transmutation circle was for. He looked over at it. He studied the lines and structure for a minute. The transmutation circle was for-

"…Human transmutation." Roy's voice wavered. He looked down at Ed. Ed didn't return his look.

Yes, he himself had nearly attempted human transmutation, but he didn't- couldn't finish it. He didn't have the nerve to put his hand down on the array; to complete the flow of power between alchemist and circle. To him, it looked like Ed was about to take that step and sacrifice himself. Crossing that forbidden line, _again_.

"Edward, where's Alphonse?" he already knew the answer in his heart, but he had to hear it. He didn't want to believe it unless he was told by Edward himself.

Ed didn't answer straight away. He just stared ahead, as if seeing something that Roy did not.

_**Alphonse is waiting for you, Edward.**_

"He's waiting for me." He answered simply. Not the answer that Roy expected. Waiting for him?

"Waiting where, Edward?" he spoke carefully.

_**The Gate.**_

"The Gate."

_**Edward, this **_**thing **_**is getting in your way. Eliminate it!**_

_I can't. Mustang is my friend._

_**No he's not, Edward. He's the last obstacle that's preventing your brother from living again. So you have to do something about it. After all, it's your fault he's dead. He blames you, Edward. He despises you. It's your fault. **_

_He blames me?_

_**Yes, Edward. He blames you. He **_**hates**_** you for what you put him through. For trapping his soul in that armour. For the death of your mother. It's your fault, Edward. And his death is just another blotch on the long list of mistakes you have made in your short life. The least you can do for him is this. Now eliminate this **_**thing**_**! Move it out the way and finish what you started before it's too late. You can fix it. Do it for Alphonse.**_

…_Yes._

"…Edward? Edward!" Ed looked up into Roy's eyes for the first time since Roy entered the ballroom.

_**Eliminate it.**_

Ed jerked his arm out of Roy's grip and brought his left fist swiftly to his face. Roy wasn't prepared for this sudden movement from the otherwise motionless boy, and staggered back in shock, holding his throbbing jaw.

"Edward, what-?" Ed lunged at him again before Roy could finish his sentence, and he barley dodged another face full of fist. Unluckily for Roy, Edward was highly skilled in unarmed combat, and he himself, wasn't. And thanks to his injuries received form the Fuhrer, his body wasn't too keen to start another fight. He already had a horrific gash below his shoulder that was seeping blood at a steady rate, threatening to unhinge him at any moment. He had ripped up his white undershirt to make makeshift bandages that he hoped would hold in the blood, though multiple other painful cuts covered his body.

He barely missed a punch from Ed's right fist, but he wasn't quick enough to block the left. It connected with his stomach. Roy doubled over, stunned at the strength behind the punch. He attempted to shuffle back while catching his breath, but he wasn't able to stop Ed's knee moving into his nose.

He fell back onto the floor, holding a freshly broken nose in his hands. He felt the blood seep through his fingers and drip into his lap, adding to the bloody stains.

_**Finish him.**_

Ed clapped his hands and placed them on the ground. Underneath his rising hand, surrounded by blue alchemic light, was a newly formed spear. The wind ceased and his bangs fell back to their place against his head.

Moving swiftly, he lifted the spear and positioned it very precisely so the blade was mere centimetres from Roy's neck.

"Edward… Edward, what are you doing?" he asking, panicking. Edward didn't answer. "Fullmetal!" Edward blinked at Roy's tone. He hesitated.

_Why am I doing this?._

_**Your brother, Edward. Does one life really matter if it means that your brother is alive again? In his own body?**_

_I can't do this._

_**You can, Edward. Alphonse is waiting for his selfish brother to bring him back. He brought you back without a second thought, and look at you now.**_

_I can't just kill a friend._

_**Al wants you to. He wants to live, to breathe Edward. Are you really going to deny him that? His one wish. The one thing that will make him happy?**_

_Al wants me to kill Mustang?_

_**Yes, Edward.**_

He blinked again.

"You're lying! Al wouldn't want that!" Ed shouted, suddenly.

Roy flinched, "Fullmetal?"

_**Am I? How do you know that?**_

"Because Al is my brother, and I know him. He wouldn't want me to take a life for his."

_**You really are a fool, Edward.**_

The spear fell to the floor; the clatter was the only sound to be heard in the ballroom. Edward turned around and walked slowly back over to the transmutation circle on the ground.

_**Are you still going to do it?**_

"Yes. For Al."

"Fullmetal!" Ed didn't even bother to reply. Al had waited long enough.

Ed clapped his hands.

"FULLMETAL!" Roy bolted up and lunged forward as fast as his body would move. Just as Ed touched the transmutation circles on his chest, Roy tackled him to the ground. There was a brief flash of blue alchemic light, which quickly faded. Ed hadn't been paying attention to Roy, and was unprepared for his attack. A sickening thud of bone losing to concrete echoed throughout the room.

Roy looked at Ed's body as he rolled off the alchemist. He was unconscious. He supposed it was better this way; at least he could get the teenager out of here without causing any more damage to himself.

Roy picked up the teen's body, his lolled to the side. Roy adjusted the boy's frame into a more comfortable position, and Ed's head now fit securely into the nook of Roy's arm. Roy glanced down and saw a trickle of blood dripping through Edward's blonde locks.

_xoxoxoxoxoxoxo_

_**You failed Edward.**_

_I failed? At what?_

_**Saving your brother. He's gone.**_

_He's gone?_

_**Yes. You failed and now his soul gone. You aren't strong enough, and you don't love your brother enough, otherwise you would have made it work. You could have done more, but you didn't. You have no one to blame but yourself and Alphonse blames you too. Your brother is dead because of what you did. It isn't enough for you just to hurt your brother, but you drag everyone you meet down with you. Again and again. Everyone you encounter, everyone you touch, everyone you love. You are nothing but a burden and pest to everyone that knows you, and they can't stand you anymore. They just wish that you would die. And you can't even do that right.**_

_They want me dead?_

_**Yes. You don't deserve the air your lungs, let alone their love. They know what you did and they are going to make you pay, Edward.**_

_What did I do?_

_**You killed your brother.**_

_I... killed him?_

_**Yes, Edward. They all know it.**_

_All of them?_

_**Yes. And they're not going to forget it, Edward. You have hurt them all. You always make Winry cry. She worries needlessly over you and you can't even pick up the phone to tell that you're okay. And now whom do you think she going to blame for Al?**_

_**Mustang. How do you think he got those injuries? It's your fault that he got injured in the battle with the Fuhrer because you dragged him into it. Who do you think he blames?**_

_**You brought back the pain of Izumi's lost child while she's battling illness. Now she's going to be heartbroken over Al. Al was her second son, how do you think that's going to help her Edward?**_

_**Furey, Breda, Havoc, Armstrong, Falman, they're all fighting a battle up north against Drachma. They're all going to die pointless deaths because you weren't strong enough to prevent another war. And now look at Liore. It was a paradise before you went there and started a confrontation. Thousands died. And their deaths are on your shoulders. As are the soldiers lives' that were taken in Scar's Grand Arcanum transmutation, which you didn't try hard enough to stop. You have hurt so many people, and you had the chance to save just one person, the person that should have meant the most to you, and you failed yet again. You have always failed, and you always will. You're. Just. Not. Good. Enough. And you never will be no matter what you do. No matter how hard you try. **_

_But I didn't mean- I just wanted to-_

_**You wanted what Edward?**_

_To help-_

_**Well look how you helped things, Edward. Look at all the anguish. All the suffering. All the death and blood dripping from your hands. And their graves will be just another sign of your failures.**_

_xoxoxoxoxoxoxo_

_Beep._

_Beep._

_Beep._

"Colonel, we have the results back. Tests confirm that there was no permanent damage to Major Elric's brain. He was only knocked unconscious. "

Roy mentally let out a sigh of relief. "Is there anything else?"

"No, but we should look now at your own injuries now," the doctor said, sternly. Roy had been refusing treatment for his wounds until he knew that Edward was going to be okay.

"There's just one last thing that I want to tell you about. Shortly after he attacked me, he was talking to himself- or someone. He was answering questions and his eyes were unfocused."

"Alright, thank you for letting me know. There's not much else we can do until he's conscious but I will keep it in mind. Now, your wounds?"

Roy looked down at the sleeping teen again and was reluctant to surrender, but he let himself be lead out of the room.

_xoxoxoxoxoxoxo_

**Please review and tell me what you think~**


	2. Monsters

The echo of Alphonse's blissful laughter greeted Edward's ears as he awoke from his sleep under the large oak tree next to the Elric house.

This grand house was now empty, except for the rare days when the brothers' visited. The house brought back depressing memories of the life they once had; the life with their mother before she died. Although these memories were happy ones, the brothers' weren't ready to remember so early into her death. It was too painful to remember what they had lost.

Edward lifted his head up from his chest, opening his eyes and blinking. As leaves swirled around him in a sudden gust of wind, he glanced around and realized where he was. Ed struggled to remember how he'd got here.

"Brother!" He heard Alphonse shout. Ed blinked again. Still groggy; he looked around for his brother. He shielded his eyes from the afternoon sunlight.

Unable to see him, Edward pushed himself up, wiping the dirt off his backside. "Al? Hey, Al, where are you?"

"Brother!" Al's voice called again. Wind filled Edward's ears as he tried to hear his brother's voice once more. "Brother, come here! I have something to show you!" Edward turned around, searching for his brother's voice.

"Where are you, Alphonse?" Ed ran to the side of the hill, and looked down the grassy slope into the forest below.

"Down here, Ed! Hurry!"

He started down the hill. "Al? I can't find you." He skidded to a halt as he reached the bottom, putting his hands on a large tree trunk to prevent himself from falling over.

"Brother!" Ed was now at the bottom of the hill, but Al seemed to be getting further away.

"Alphonse? Where're you going?" He peered around the great tree and into the forest, expecting to see his brother.

"Edward." He cooed, "Come on. Follow me. I'm in here. I have something to show you. You're going to love it!" Alphonse sounded delighted. Ed stepped around the tree and started cautiously into the dark forest. Clouds suddenly moved in front the sun so light was minimal; it was like the weather was trying to taunt him.

He didn't see why Alphonse would be in here; he hated this forest. Al was terrified of the dark. "Al, wait for me! I don't know where you are. Winry's going to get worried if we don't go home soon." It was slowly getting darker the further he walked into the forest; the tall canopies preventing light from finding its way to him. The looming trees grew closer together and their roots covered the woodland floor, making Ed lose his footing.

Though he had always given Alphonse a hard time about being scared, truth was, Ed was just as scared. But Edward was the big brother, so he had to seem tough. Alphonse was depending on him.

That's what he thought.

The further he walked, the more he wanted to turn back. Al hadn't called to him in a while, so the only sound Edward could hear was the crunch of dead leaves under his feet, and the cawing of various birds.

"Al?" he said, his voice now no more than a whisper. He grabbed his shirt with both hands, and pulled it down. He shivered slightly.

"I'm here, Brother." In the distance, Ed could see the outline of a person, surrounded by mist and shadows.

"That you, Al?" he proceeded forward slowly.

"It's me brother. I have something to show you. Come here." Edward breathed a sigh of relief, but he didn't relax. Though he was glad he had found his brother, there was something about the atmosphere of this place, a presence. It disturbed him; keeping him on edge.

Ed stopped a few feet behind Al; the mist ahead was so thick that he couldn't see more than a meter in front of his brother.

"What's going on, Al?"

"I did it, Brother." There was an unpleasantness to Al's voice.

"Did what?" Alphonse turned around to face Edward.

Ed gasped in horror and took a step back. Al's face, his little brother's innocent face, was splattered with blood. It mattered his hair, dotted under his eyes and his white shirt was covered the crimson substance; trickling off his sleeves, dripping into a puddle on the ground surrounding him.

"Al, what is… w-whose blood is that? What… happened t-to you?" His feet were cemented to the ground; but he wanted to move away; away from his younger brother. Obviously something was wrong. There had to be a logical explanation at to why his baby brother was drenched in blood.

"I did it! We can be happy now, Brother. You don't have to cry at night anymore when you think I'm asleep. You don't have to hide your pain." Edward flinched. His brother knew about that?

"What…" Edward said in no more than a whisper. "…do you mean?"

Alphonse just smiled, but it wasn't a happy smile… it was grotesque. It burned into Edward and seared itself forever in his mind. His heart thudded quicker; the pain he was feeling could easily be mistaken for a knife in his chest.

As if on que, the mist behind Al began to dissipate. He saw a blood trail lead back from Al. The mist kept retreating and Ed saw white lines, they ran around each other; formed a circle.

A transmutation circle.

A very complicated one, smeared with blood. When Edward saw the source of the blood, he fell to his knees.

"Mum's back, isn't it great, Brother!" That _thing_ in the middle of the array was definitely not his mother as Alphonse claimed.

One arm was extended forward, reaching for Edward. All of its organs were on the outside of its body; he could see its heart beating, lurching up and down in an uneven rhythm. Blood spilled over that _things_ skin and onto the ground around it, staining the grass, dirt and other unmentionables. Its ribs were oddly angled and squeezing its fail figure. The _things_ face was contorted; its teeth were sharp and pointy, protruding from its mouth. It had no lips to hide its 'smile'. Its eyes were a shining purple; they glittered in the dark forest, piercing straight into Ed.

He watched its head and chest shudder with each violent breath.

Not his mother… this _thing_ was a monster. It was the result of a human transmutation. A _failed_ human transmutation. Edward did not know how he had conceived this knowledge, but he knew it was the truth.

Al walked forward, motioning for him brother to follow. Edward stayed on his knees in terror. His brother continued forward towards the monster he called 'Mother'.

"Alphonse…" Ed whispered, extending his hand ever so slightly. Al knelt down next to the thing, extending his arm around it and pulling its face to his chest, as if he were giving it a soothing hug. The squish of its flesh against Alphonse's skin made Edward shudder. The hair stood up upon the back of his neck.

"It's okay. Brother loves you too. He's just confused. We're all going to live happily ever after. We're going to be a family again. I love you… _mum_."

Edward closed his eyes and screamed. He grabbed his head, fingers tangling with his blonde hair, and he leant forward placing his forehead on the dirt below him. He kept howling in terror; he couldn't stop. Tears leaked from his eyes and ran down his face, splattering the dead leaves under him.

He opened his mouth to let out another wail, but nothing came out. Instead he just knelt there, sobbing.

"Alphonse… What have you done?" Al didn't reply. Edward just continued bawling on the ground. "What have you done? Al…"

He didn't know how long it'd been, but Ed couldn't bring himself to look up. Al hadn't tried to comfort him, nor had he said anything. All he could hear was the wind in his ears.

"Alphonse?" he whispered, his voice hoarse from crying. Ed slowly lifted his head from the ground, his hair falling in his eyes. Dirt and leaves were tangled in it, but he didn't care, and hastily pushed his blonde locks aside. The sun had started to set and the tall trees blocked all of the sunlight, so Edward squinted trying to see in the darkness. As his eyes started to adjust, he couldn't see his brother anywhere.

Ed pushed himself up, staggering forward, his legs numb. "Al?" he said a bit louder this time. His brother was nowhere to be seen. Edward took a few more tentative steps forward. There was also no sign of the disembodied failed transmutation that Alphonse called 'Mum'. There was no transmutation circle; there was no blood; and no evidence that there ever had been.

What was going on? Where was his brother? And that _monster?_

"Alphonse!" Edward yelled into the trees. The only response he received was a crow cawing. He shivered.

Suddenly the wind stopped; his golden bangs fell to their usual place at the side of his face. Turning around, Ed noticed everything was pitch black. The sky, the ground; he was unable to make out any detail what so ever. He span back around; he couldn't make out the shadows of the trees he saw just a few seconds earlier. Everything was gone. His world was spinning so he squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to move. He had a feeling that if he did he would just fall into the threatening darkness and never stop.

He opened his eyes again and everything was still dark.

"Am I blind?" he asked himself. He held up his left hand. No… He was able to see himself clear as day.

Ed shivered. He was freezing. Something felt off. He looked down at himself and saw was drenched in sweat and…

...he was naked.

Edward blushed and promptly covered himself with his hands.

"Am I going crazy?" only half asking. He knew the answer; he had to be crazy. There was no other explanation. The aching he felt in his chest was too real for this to be a dream.

_**No Edward, you're not crazy.**_

Ed jumped. "W-What the hell is going on here?" he asked in a scared voice.

_**Whatever I want. I am in control.**_

Ed flung himself around to see who was talking; he couldn't work out where the voice had come from.

"Who are you?" He said in a threatening tone. "Where am I?" A heavy silence filled the air as he waited for the voice to answer.

"WHAT DO YOU-?"

_**I'm here to break you, Edward.**_

The voice was twisted and distorted; it boomed in the space around him and he could not identify in which direction it was coming from. Silence enveloped him as the voice said no more.

Edward growled. "What the fuck is going on?" The voice didn't reply. Anger radiated from Ed's body.

He tried again, "Where is my brother?"

The voice didn't reply. Panic suddenly fluttered through his chest. He needed to know where his younger brother was.

"Alphonse?" he turned around, "ALPHONSE? WHERE ARE YOU?" His sudden yelling for his brother made the voice pipe up again. It started laughing. It was a malicious laugh, filled with evil. "What's so funny?"

**_Do you _really_ want to know where your brother is, Edward?_**

Ed didn't like the way the unknown voice said that. "IF YOU'VE LAID ONE FINGER ON MY BROTHER, I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL-"

_**Don't worry, Edward, I haven't touched your brother.**_

He wanted to feel relieved, but his fear didn't leave him.

_**I didn't have to.**_

The voice continued.

_**You disposed of your brother for me.**_

"What...?" Ed whispered, his world, spinning.

**You _killed Alphonse._**

"What! That is the most ridiculous lie I've ever heard." He scoffed, but only half-heartedly. He felt like there was a knife in his gut and his heart was about to be ripped from his chest.

The voice laughed again. Suddenly, images flashed before Edward's eyes. The image of Alphonse's soul at the gate. Black hands flew out, wrapping themselves around Al like tentacles, and roughly dragging him inside. The giant gate shut with a loud boom, and the images instantly ended at that sound.

Ed fell to his knees, not bothering to cover himself anymore. He had failed... All those years of trying, searching frantically for a way to save his little brother, and he had failed.

_**You are so selfish, Edward. **_

Ed blinked. "But that doesn't mean that I did it. I could never harm Al!" Anger took over from sadness and he tried to prove that the voice was lying.

_**You haven't noticed yet? **_

Edward growled, "Noticed what?"

_**Your arm and leg.**_

Edward was suddenly conscious of the feeling in his right arm and left leg. The automail that had brought him tremendous pain for years was gone. Replaced with his real arm and leg. He lifted his head to see for himself. Looking his hand over then moving to his leg, he pinched it and felt pain. He felt the blood pumping through his veins, though abnormally fast. But... his brother.

_**You traded your brother for your arm and leg.**_

Another flash before his eyes and he saw himself, standing in the grand ballroom with his brother. Edward whispered something to Alphonse, and then clapped his hands.

These images… they were like a memory inside his head. For some reason, he did not doubt it, or even wonder where they had come from. If Edward had been in his right mind he would have fathomed that there was more to the story than what he saw. But he wasn't. He was wrapped in his feelings of guilt, depression, and plain nothingness. His only reason for living was... gone.

Edward blinked, the fire in his eyes extinguished for good. His brother was dead. And the blood was on Edward's hands.

"This has to be a dream…" he whispered, lips sticking together from lack of moisture in his mouth. His throat was dry, breathing getting heavier. He felt as if he was going to faint. He placed his head in his hands. Gripping his blonde locks between his fingers. Pulling. Ripping.

This had to be dream. He would never ever trade his brother like that. He once tried to give up his own body for Al, but Al had stopped him. This didn't make any sense. It was a dream. A dream…

**This is not a dream, Edward.**

Ed broke down. All his muscles contracted and then became loose. He fell to the ground; curled up in a ball, unable to hold himself up. His stomach twisted and began dry heaving.

**What do you think your brother would say to you if he had a chance to talk to you, just once more?**

Edward didn't look up; he continued to choke on his own spit.

"Brother?" A voice whispered. Edward head shot up.

"Alphonse?" Ed stared at his brother's body. It was standing in front of him, not one day older than before they had performed the human transmutation. His brown hair stood wispy to one side, hazel eyes stared as if looking into Ed's soul.

"Brother… why? Why did you do this to me? Why did you make me bring mum back?" the child standing in front of him sounded desperate. "Why did you sacrifice me for your body!"

Ed didn't know what to say. He pushed himself onto his knees and started to lift his left hand, reaching forward ever so slowly towards his brother.

"Edward… It hurts so much! Why!" The calm little boy was suddenly screaming, clutching his small hands to his chest.

"Alphonse…" A solitary tear ran down Edward's cheek. "I'm sorry. I-I-I never meant for anything to happen. We… we just wanted to be happy. To see mum again," He choked, "But... Al..." His hand was an inch away. Just as a finger brushed again his brother's soft skin, Alphonse started screaming.

"DON'T TOUCH ME! DON'T TOUCH ME!" the screaming filled Edward's ears. He yanked his hand away, before Alphonse's solid form faded into the black around him, vanishing. Ed stared at the space where his brother had just stood.

"Brother! Look what you did to me!" Edward jerked around to the voice coming from behind him. The body his brother's soul had resided in for the past 5 years, the seven foot steel armour was standing before him. The stationary grey form was a few meters away, glowing red eyes the brightest source of light.

"Do you know what it feels like to have your soul encased in a hollow suit of armour? You have no idea what I feel. I can't feel at all! I can't touch, smell. I can't eat or sleep. I have to stay up all night and watch your unconscious form! I WISH YOU HAD JUST LET ME DIE THAT NIGHT! WHY DO YOU GET TO HAVE A BODY AND I DON'T? WHY DO I HAVE TO SUFFER? YOU FORCED ME INTO IT!" the armour turned around and ran. The clanking of Al's armour rang in Edward's ears; it was the only sound to be heard other than his raspy breath.

Ed shot up, not bothering to make himself decent, and ran after his brother. But Al was out of sigh within a few seconds.

"ALPHONSE! ALPHONSE!" Ed looked around and ran desperately, his voice hysterical. "I'M SORRY, AL!"

He didn't know how long he ran for, but he never saw the armour again. He refused to slow down, he had to find his brother and make this right. He ran and ran until his legs gave out under him. He fell forward, skidding hard on the ground. It felt like he'd just been stabbed a million times. He held his head in his hands, and wept. After so many years of keeping the tears and pain inside, he just couldn't hold them back anymore. They wouldn't stop. It just wouldn't end.

His life just wouldn't end.


	3. The Gate

"Colonel Mustang," A young, blonde haired nurse chirped. Roy kept his eyes closed, hoping that she would go away.

"Sorry to disrupt you sir, but it's time to change your bandages." She shut the door behind her and briskly strode across the room, pulling open the curtains.

Sighing deeply, Roy opened his charcoal eyes and squinted as the bright morning light cascaded across his face. He put a hand over his eyes and slowly sat up. Pain flooded his shoulder and he held back a wince.

The nurse's shoes clapped annoyingly against the floor as she walked around the bed.

"How are you feeling this morning, sir?" The bed cranked as she adjusted it to a sitting position. Roy just grunted in response.

The nurse untied the back of Roy's green hospital gown and pulled it down his back. Normally Roy would be delighted to be fussed over by a beautiful nurse, but right now that was impossible. He just let the nurse do whatever she had to do in silence. But it seemed she was intent on making conversation with him.

"You wounds look to be healing nicely," she smiled. Roy just grunted again.

A few minutes later they were all done.

"You should be able to go home soon, sir." She told him, but Roy didn't grace her with a response. Instead, he just lay back on the bed, closing his eyes once more. He could hear the nurse moving around.

He was starting to drift off again when he felt something sharp hit his neck. His snapped his eyes open just in time to see the pretty nurse change.

"Hello, Flame Alchemist," His cold laugh echoed around the room. Before Roy could even flinch, the scalpel Envy was holding sliced clean through his throat. Mustang felt pain wash over him, and his hands jumped up, grabbing at the deep gash. He attempted to close it, but blood just spurted out between his fingers.

He could hear Envy laughing as he turned the door knob, "Now I'm off to finish off that runt, Fullmetal. He'll be joining you soon."

Roy shot up; clutching his neck and gasping for air. Sweat dripped down his face but after a few seconds his eyes darted around the room. He was alone. Roy glanced down at his hands, expecting to see them covered in blood, but there was no trace of the crimson liquid.

Massaging his neck, he felt the tug of the IV in the back of his hand. He sighed and lay back down. He rested an arm over his eyes, his breath still coming in short gasps and heart flinging itself around in his chest. It was a dream. Just a dream.

They had no idea where the shape-shifting homunculus was, and if he were still alive, it would make sense that he'd come to finish them off. Especially while they were unable to defend themselves, being hospital bound and recovering from serve injuries.

They didn't have a clue many of the homunculi remained. Before his confrontation with the Fuhrer, Fullmetal had told him two of the homunculi, Lust and Sloth, were sealed. And Mustang had personally disposed of Pride. But that still left the shape shifter; Envy, the fat one; Gluttony and child; Wrath, all unaccounted for. And one more. The one who controlled the homunculi; their master.

Had Fullmetal succeeded in defeating their leader? And what about the homunculi? He was positive they would have come for them by now. So maybe they really were gone.

A few days ago, a solider had reported detaining Rose Thomas. She was wanted for her part in Liore, but they had no evidence that she was connected with anything that night. And she wouldn't speak a word to them. But somehow, Roy knew she was involved with Edward and the underground city. And as soon as he was well enough, he was going to get the truth out of her no matter what it took.

What happened that night in the underground city was a mystery. Roy had told only his closest subordinates about the fallen city, and as soon as they had all returned to Central safety, he had sent them through the passage in the church and down to investigate. But to no avail; no remains had been recovered. The only other lead they had to go on was Ed and-

Roy tensed thinking about that boy.

_Damn it. When did I become so weak…?_

It had been three weeks since that night and Edward still hadn't woken up. The doctors were baffled; they all said there was no reason for him to still be unconscious. They had performed a dozen different tests, and not even the most high tech brain scan could show them what was wrong with the boy. Nothing was physically wrong with him.

Roy felt guilt stir in his stomach. Edward was still well and conscious until _he'd_ tackled him. Well, perhaps not well; there was no way in hell that boy was okay that night. The look in the young boy's eyes… All the life had been drained from them. And Roy knew what he had walked in on; he wasn't stupid, useless maybe, but not stupid.

Al was gone, dead, and Edward was trying to bring him back. He was performing the forbidden; alchemy's greatest taboo, again. And he was offering himself as the toll.

He couldn't let Ed do that. Not again. Roy knew he would hate him for it, but he just couldn't let him go ahead with it. It wasn't right. If Al was really gone, as harsh as it was, he had to stay that way; that was the flow of the world, and no one was supposed to alter it.

Mustang knew that Alphonse wouldn't stand for it either; if Al had ever found out that Roy had _allowed_ Ed to go ahead and sacrifice himself… Well… he cherished his life.

Edward would be mad at Mustang, but one day he'd understand. It might not be for a long time, and maybe he'd never forgive him, but he would understand- one day. Alphonse may be gone, but Edward had to cherish his own life, and move forward on his own two legs.

If he ever woke up.

Roy's stomach lurched again.

Sighing, Roy sat up, pulling off his blankets. Edward's hospital room was right across from his, and Roy spend nearly every waking moment in that room, though the hard and highly uncomfortable visitors chair was probably not helping heal his wounds.

He swung his legs over the side of his bed and shuffled into the pale green slippers the hospital provided. Gripping the IV pole as if it were his life support, he stood and slowly made his way across the room and out into the hall. He nodded at the brown hair man in military uniform.

"Morning sir," the man said, standing to attention.

"Morning solider," Roy replied, not looking directly at the man. Roy had ordered there be security guarding both himself and Edward, not wanting to take the chance that someone would come to finish them off.

At that, Roy hesitated; hand on the door knob into the Edward's hospital room. "Solider, from now on, anybody entering mine or the Fullmetal Alchemist's room is to answer a security question before going in to make sure they are who they say they are." At that moment his dream seemed all too real, and he felt it would be stupid not to heed it as a warning. "Even nurses and doctors. We are to take no chances here."

"Yes, sir." The man saluted.

Roy ordered anyone who did not know the password to be refused entry, and gave the man a short list of people to tell this confidential information to.

Roy didn't know why he hadn't thought of it sooner. Of course Envy wouldn't barge his way into a military hospital toting the palm tree, skirt wearing form they were accustomed too. He felt like an idiot for not thinking of it sooner and it was a miracle that nothing had happened already.

Closing the door, he made his way across the room and sat down in his usual seat, adjusting the cord of his IV so it didn't pull on his hand. Roy sighed as he rested his elbows on his knees and he looked across at the unconscious figure in the bed. Edward's blonde locks spread across the two pillows under his bandaged head, and a breathing mask covered his face, pumping fresh air into his lungs. Roy could hear a steading beeping coming from the machine on the other side of the bed. And an IV, the same as Roy's, was right next to it; the cord connected to a bag filled with a clear liquid, giving Edward the nutrition and medication he needed.

Mustang closed his eyes and prepared himself for a long day.

_xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo_

Edward lay on his back, arms flopped at his side. He didn't move a muscle. Towering behind him was the Gate of Truth; the immense structure casting no shadow on the pure white floor surrounding. Ed tried not to look at it; he was sick of seeing at it and not knowing why he was here.

He had no recollection of how he'd come to be at this place. All of a sudden he was just standing in front of it, the black form soaring over him. At first he didn't know what to do or how to react; he was terrified it was going to pull him in or open and take him to that other world. But nothing had happened.

After a while, Ed had grown very frustrated and started yelling at the gate. He demanded to know what was going on, why he was here and where his brother was. Of course it didn't reply, so instead he had taken to lying on the floor, thinking about his situation.

Ed grilled his brain, looking for an answer as to why he was here. Any little clue; a memory? There was nothing.

_What the hell is wrong with me,_ He questioned.

_Think logically. You're an alchemist and you're at the Gate of Truth. Why?_

A wave of cold washed over him.

_I must be dead,_ he concluded. _Otherwise there's no reason for me to be here, well, not without something happening._

The only other reason that he could come up with for being here was that he had performed a human transmutation. But if it were human transmutation, something would have happened by now, right? He would be sucked in, ripped apart and brain pumped full of so much knowledge that it felt like it would explode.

No, that can't be it. So he was dead.

For some reason he was only slightly saddened by this, though he felt a pang in his chest as he thought about Alphonse. If he were really dead, Al would be heartbroken.

His stomach twisted and he prayed his little brother was okay. And that he wouldn't do anything stupid; Edward was the impulsive one but he wouldn't put it past his brother to try and revive him. Ed knew his brother and he had a feeling Al probably felt obligated to save him, considering what Ed had given up for his younger brother that fateful night.

Al blamed himself for the loss of his arm and the pain the automail caused him. Though Ed felt the complete opposite. He now wished they had talked more on the subject and let Al know that he never had to do anything like that for Edward. But Ed hated talking about emotional subjects and thus bottled away his feelings.

Ed sighed and rolled onto his side, looking out into the blank abyss. In his world, he'd had plenty of time to muse on the subject of death, and he figured if there actually were an afterlife, there'd be more to it. Was he just going to lay here forever in the emptiness?

Maybe he was in some sort of purgatory. That'd make sense; he hadn't lead the best life, but he didn't think he'd been so bad that he was worthy of hell. But he'd committed too many sins to be let into any heaven there might be.

He sighed again; it seemed that he couldn't sleep here. What the hell was he supposed to do?

_xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo_

"Colonel?"

Roy groaned and squirmed around uncomfortably in the stiff chair, painfully aware of the annoying ache making its way down his back. He begrudgingly opened his eyes.

Seeing only a flash of blonde hair, Roy's heart jumped to his mouth and he lurched forward. After taking a second to steady himself, he looked into the crimson eyes of the person kneeling in front of him. Crimson eyes… his gaze then moved upon the blonde teen still unconscious in his hospital bed. Roy sighed, slumping back in his seat.

"Sir?" Hawkeye questioned, a worried look planted on her face.

"Nothing, I just thought…" he trailed off, "Never mind."

Riza's eyebrows knotted together in concern. Not knowing what to say, she stood and gently sat down at the end of Edward's bed.

The air was heavy and Hawkeye realised who Mustang though she was. Her hand unconsciously brushed through her blonde locks, which, as always, was firmly tied back. Maybe it was because he'd just woken up. Or maybe he was just hoping.

They were all hoping, after all.

"So, do you have anything new to report?" he couldn't stand the silence any longer. Mustang cleared his throat and looked around the room, avoiding the lieutenant's gaze.

"No sir, I just came to see how you were doing and if there were any changes to Edward's condition." Her face was blank, she knew how this effected the colonel; he cared for Edward deeply. He cared for both the Elric brothers'.

Roy didn't mention Alphonse's disappearance much, nor why he was missing, but she could see it in his eyes, those brief seconds where he was unable to hold back the grief.

Alphonse was dead.

She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. Slowly, she opened them and turned to look at the blonde alchemist lying still in the bed before her.

Those brothers'… they'd been through so much, and for what? She'd seen their struggles first hand; every few weeks when they'd report directly to the colonel, she'd hear about the adventures they'd been on, and the leads they'd chased. And all the dead ends. All their pain, suffering and torment. And this was how it was going to end? A beat up child unable to even mourn for his dead brother?

She quickly stood and walked to the door. Roy looked at her questioningly, but she avoided his looks. She had to stay strong for Roy. After all, he was still healing too, and he didn't need his officers breaking down around him.

"There's nothing to report, sir, so I'll leave you alone." She turned away. "I'll come by tomorrow. Hope you feel better soon, sir."

Mustang blinked as she quickly darted out the door, barely making a sound.

"Thanks…"

_xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo_

Edward had no idea how long he'd been here now; it could have been hours or weeks and he wouldn't know the difference. . There was no sense of time in this white and yellow void.

He felt as though he was slowly going insane; there was nothing to stimulate his brain, and Ed found it hard to sit around doing nothing at the best of times.

He was now lying in the foetal position, back facing the gate, trying to make himself as discrete as possible. All this white… He was becoming paranoid and he felt as if the white was enveloping him; creeping up on him and covering him whole. His mind was playing tricks on him.

He blinked and quickly sat up, crossing his legs. Suddenly, he brought a fist to his head and to hit himself.

"What the hell are you doing? Pull yourself together!" A few more punches and he felt he was thinking a bit more clearly, "I can't lose myself here."

He quickly swivelled around and leant back on his palms, staring up at the towering black structure in front of him. He'd memorised it's every detail by now, but he was nowhere near knowing all the secrets it kept locked away inside.

Ed remembered the first time he ever saw it; the night they tried to resurrect their mother. He didn't know what it was then, and he didn't know what it'd given him; he thought he'd lost his only family and his leg only to gain that deformed monster that held no resemblance to their mother. He didn't know it the time, but he'd gained a lot more.

He was oblivious to the information he had received for a long after they'd performed the transmutation. Maybe he just didn't want to remember that night, or maybe it was because the knowledge he'd received from the gate had always been there. It was the flow of the world, after all, and every human being was a part of that flow. The gate had just opened a part of himself that had always been there, so when the time came, it had come naturally to perform alchemy that others would never dream of. Using alchemy to bond a soul to steel. Alchemy without a circle. In his own mind he was nothing special.

_Alchemy…_

Ed's golden eyes widened and he jumped to his feet. Was he able to perform alchemy here? He'd never thought about it before, let alone tried it. But this was where alchemy came from, right? This was where alchemists' got their energy from, the power they needed to perform transmutations.

He stepped forward and put both his hands on the gate, feeling its curves under his fingers.

_I wonder… Can I transmute the gate itself? Maybe I could open it up and use its own energy to take me home._

It was a long shot. But it was the best idea he'd had so far. Better than getting lost in this white nothingness.

He looked up at the black structure, and figured out what he would need to do in order for this to work.

He took a deep breath in, "Okay. I can do this."

Ed closed his eyes and clapped his hands, the sound echoing loudly as it always did. With his eyes still closed, the blonde alchemist reached forward ready to transmute the gate and go home. He stretched his arms out as much as he could until they were fully extended before him. Ed faltered; he was right in front of the gate, he should have touched it by now.

He cracked open one of his eyes, before dropping his hands to his side. Mouth open, he stared before him in shock.

The gate had disappeared.

_xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo_

**Yay, another chapter!**

**Firstly, I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed in the last chapter. You guys are awesome! Thank you so much.**

**Okay, now some thoughts. I didn't even know such a thing existed, but it seems I am a 'stream of consciousness' writer. Once I read about it, it was so obvious. Also I don't seem to be able to write a clear story; I like to jump from scene to scene and write scenes without letting people know what's going on and, yeah, just throw lots of stuff at you all at once. I don't know if it's all a little too confusing, so please give me some feedback on my writing.**

**Also, in this chapter, Ed isn't really dead or at the gate, it's that little voice in his head playing tricks on him and making him hallucinate stuff. I've got the whole story planned out right, there's an answer for everything. So if you have any questions, PLEASE ask.**

**And lastly, I'm going to be writing a lot more, I really like this story and the plot I have planned for it. I'm trying to write 500 words a day, and I like my chapters to be 3000 words so… Maths people. You can work out when the next chapter should be, then add about 5 days onto it. Hehehe :P This chapter was originally meant to be longer, but when I got to that last sentance, I stopped and it just seemed to be a good ending point. So sorry for the cliffe?**

**Oh! I also edited chapter 1 and 2. It's nothing major, just a bit of editing, but I think the characters are more in character now.**

**Alrighty! Please review; next chapter will come faster!**


	4. Death

"What the-" Ed whispered, eyes wide in disbelief. The gate was gone? It was right there a second ago! It couldn't just vanish, could it?

He whirled around, head darting left and right. All he could see was the yellowish shade of white that made up this 'world'.

_Shit… What am I supposed to do now?_

His shoulders dropped and he covered his face with a shaky hand, breath catching in his throat.

_This is it then. I- I'm never going to see Alphonse again._

Ed squeezed his eyes shut.

_I'm sorry, Al. I'm so-_

**BOOM!**

A huge explosion emanated from behind him and Ed was nearly blown off his feet by the massive force. He flung himself around, only just managing to keep his balance.

Once again the gate stood towering above him. Ed felt his heart rise; there was still hope that he could get out of here.

With a loud crack the great doors began to open; the whole structure moaning under its own weight. It didn't take long until the portal was fully open and dozens of violet coloured eyes stared directly at him. He took in a sharp breath, feeling a severe pain in his chest as their glare seemed to penetrate through him.

His confidence faltered and he took two shaky steps backwards.

_What is going on?_

The gate made a strange high pitch whining sound and the eyes blinked all at once. Somehow Edward could tell it wasn't happy. What was going to happen?

A second later his question was answered as a thick, black liquid began gushing from inside. He shot backwards. Within moments the oil like substance was up to his knees.

"Crap, what the hell is this!" He shouted, furiously trying to heave one of his legs out of the sticky goo. The oil clung to him and he was unable to free himself. He looked around and the black sludge was everywhere, coating the white void. With another rush of liquid, he lost his balance and fell backward into the substance.

Not giving up, he struggled but was unable to wrench his arms free. His entire body was being dragged down into the black sea.

"Shit," it was taking all his strength to keep his face from being engulfed. He could only manage short gulps of air as he attempted to keep his chin as high as possible. After one last deep breath, he was unable to fight it any longer and his head was consumed.

Everything was suddenly deathly silent. Ed closed his eyes, having no idea what would happen to him. He decided not to struggle, there was obviously nothing he could do and he was already dead, right? So he couldn't die again.

Ed moaned; his head was spinning and lungs already beginning to protest at the lack of oxygen being delivered to them.

Out of nowhere a strange thought hit him. Why did he have to breathe if he was dead?

He wouldn't need to breathe if he were dead! If he were dead his body would be rotting somewhere in Amestris; his heart wouldn't be beating so there wouldn't be blood pumping through his veins and he definitely wouldn't need oxygen.

His golden eyes snapped open and the black substance instantly began to sting them. He ignored it, trying to figure a way out of this mess.

He strained his arms and legs, trying to free them. Nothing had any effect, he was stuck. He had to think clearly; he had no idea what was going on but he might not be dead yet. There still might be a chance that he could get out of here and go home. At even the slightest possibility he had to try.

The searing pain in his chest was verging on unbearable now and he felt faint. He closed his eyes. His brain was shouting at him to do something, but he was losing the will. He was so tired…

_No… I have to do something, I have to try!_

Ed did the first thing that popped into his mind. Struggling, he managed to bring his hands together; they barely grazed each other but it was enough. Though he couldn't see it, he instantly felt the alchemic power flow through him and he grunted in discomfort. There were so many overwhelming sensations flooding his body at the same time.

_You've been through worse than this, so focus! What the hell is this crap made of?_

He opened his eyes.

_There's got to be water in it. There has to be!_

Water was a key component in pretty much everything. Praying it would work, he focused all his energy on performing the most simple of transmutations. He felt the power of alchemy leave his hands and less than a second later he fell to the ground with a violent thud.

He immediately took the biggest gulp of air he could manage. The shooting pain running throughout his body suddenly wavered as the oxygen flooded his lungs and made its way to his head, clearing his brain of the fuzziness that had taken over.

After a few minutes of deep breathing, the pain in his head and chest finally vanished, so he tentatively opened his eyes. Everything slowly came into focus and he realised he was sitting in the remnants of the sludge that he had nearly drowned in mere minutes ago.

Ed sighed in relief. It'd been a close call. With the hope that the unknown substance contained water, he'd used alchemy to evaporate it into the air around him. The result left him sitting waist deep in the foulest substance he'd ever encountered. But he was alive. And very lucky to be; he was pretty sure he was one second away from passing out. And if he had… well, Ed didn't have a clue what would have happened.

Was he dead or not? If he wasn't, why the hell was he at the gate? But if he was, why did he need to breathe? Contradicting thought swirled through his head and he didn't know what to believe anymore.

He was met with no resistance when he removed his hand from the left over goo. It was so damn thick that his hand left an obvious indent, just like snow. He leant around and saw that his whole body had done the same when he had fallen.

Ed pushed himself up, wiping his hands on his already ruined black pants. Turning towards the gate, he saw the doors were still wide open, and the eyes' gaze still upon him.

Ed felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. By the looks of things, this wasn't over yet. He braced himself in a fighting stance, slightly shuffling backwards at the same time.

The eyes blinked in unison once more. Ed edged away some more, bracing for whatever was coming next. He felt like a deer staring into headlights.

The gate wailed at him and Ed took this as his signal to run. He threw himself around and bolted without looking back. The portal screeched again, but he ignored it.

He was only able to get a few metres before he misplaced his footing; his feet slid through the black sludge before tumbling face first into it, getting a nice big mouthful to top it off.

He spat out the goo, pushing himself up at the same time. The slop left a disgusting taste in his mouth. He managed to run a few more feet before something grabbed his wrist and wrenched him backwards. Ed once again found himself face first in the sludge.

Wincing slightly, he looked up just in time to see another of the gate's tentacles flying towards him. It grabbed his other wrist and wrapped itself around him tightly, hoisting him upright. He looked towards the portal and saw a dozen more tentacle-arms protruding from inside.

Ed's eyes widened, and he began to struggle. He attempted to bring his hands together, but the tentacles held his arms firmly apart.

"Shit! Let go of me, you bastards!" He yelled in panic. At that point, the arms started to pull him towards the gate, reeling him in.

He dragged his feet on the ground, attempting anything to free himself. His feet carved a long trail into the black slop but he continued to be hauled forward. It seemed there was no escape this time. Ed dropped his head, letting his bangs fall in front of his eyes.

They stopped a few metres away from the black void, and the tentacles sprouting from the gate just swayed in front of him.

Edward looked up; staring into what he assumed was his fate. It was pointless struggling; he knew that without being able to perform alchemy he was as useless as the Colonel on a rainy day. And as good as he was at armed combat, it wouldn't help him here.

The gate made that annoying high pitch scream again, and Ed squinted. There was a white light emanating from within the portal.

_What the-_

It became brighter and brighter and after a few seconds, Ed's eyes widened. He gasped as he recognised the outline of the white light. The faint glow was the form of the seven foot tall suit of armour Al's soul had resided in for the past 5 years.

"Alphonse?" Ed's questioned. Was it really him?

"Brother?" Al's voice whispered. Edward tensed, breathing in sharply. His heart dropped. If Al was here then…

"Al, what are you-" without warning, the tentacles swaying in front of him became taut and darted forward.

The massive onslaught of tentacles ripped through his body, and Ed's eyes widened in pain. His mouth opened but instead of sound, only blood came out.

The tentacles had impaled him in several places; his left shoulder was the first hit, then the side of his stomach. His right thigh was next, and the last tentacle speared itself though the centre of his chest. Some of the tentacles had missed altogether and they just eerily swayed at his side.

Ed made a weird gurgling sound as blood spurted outwards from his wounds. The tentacles that were wrapped around his wrists continued to hold him upright as the arms pierced through his body retreated.

He felt a burning in his throat before throwing up some more of the crimson liquid. His small frame began to convulse before his golden eyes rolled back in his head.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Roy leant against his IV pole as he stared thoughtfully out the window in Ed's room. The rays of a setting sun cast their orange glow against his pale skin, and he sighed as yet another day passed without progress.

Confusing thoughts swirled through his mind. He had a nagging suspicion that Hawkeye and his team were hiding something from him; they never stayed long when they came to visit, nor did they speak much. Something must have happened.

_Has there been a break in the case?_

Roy scowled; how dare they be keeping secrets from him. He was their commanding officer and he had a right to know what was going on with the investigation. _His _investigation.

He knew there was a lot going on in the military at the moment, especially with the downfall of Fuhrer King Bradley, and since they were still on active duty he knew they would be flat out trying to restore the military. After that night, General Grummerman had assumed the position of Fuhrer and one of his first orders as leader of Amestris was that all soldiers whom weren't injuring during the revolt were to immediately be put forth in restoring not only peace within the military ranks, but also within the country.

The day after the downfall of King Bradley, Roy had been arrested for murder and conspiracy, among several other charges. As he was unable to leave the hospital at that time, he was placed under 24 hour surveillance, with two soldiers standing guard at his door at all times.

They hadn't even bothered to question him; he'd already been convicted as guilty for his transgressions. He'd really thought that he was done for; he had no witnesses to back him up since everyone who knew the truth were considered 'rebel forces'. But when that old codger had popped his head through the door, ordered all the guards away, and professed that he'd just taken the position of Fuhrer, Roy knew he was saved. He had no doubts in trusting the General –now Fuhrer– and when questioned as to the events of the previous night, he didn't hesitate to tell him everything.

Grummerman was obviously bewildered by the story, but none the less believed him. The charges laid against him were immediately dropped, and he'd allowed Roy to conduct his own investigations into the incidents on the previous night, namely involving the underground city and the Fullmetal Alchemist.

Roy had set his team to work straight away, but with all the chaos still transpiring within the country, they also had to assist in restoring the peace, on top of their own investigation. Although they had still managed to visit him every day, so there were no excuses for keeping secrets from him.

Roy sighed. They probably weren't keeping secrets from him. What would that accomplish? It wouldn't help with the investigation at all, and the investigation was their top priority at the moment; Roy knew they all cared for the Elric brothers.

A pang of guilt hit him. If anything _he_ was the one keeping secrets. Nobody knew that Al was dead. Or what he'd walked in on in the ballroom.

Roy looked down into the courtyard below and saw the lampposts begin to flicker; their yellow light brightening the dark pathways. The sun had almost fully set now, and he could make out the first tiny star in the sky. Roy remembered when he was little and his mother had told him that he could make a wish upon the first star in the sky.

He stared at the tiny speck in the vast atmosphere. There was only one thing he would wish for now.

He closed his eyes and slowly turned around, still gripping his IV pole for support. It was nearly time the nurses were due to come in and request he go back to his own room. He always tried to stay as long as he could.

Roy sat down in his chair, leaning back into the stiff fabric. The room was almost dark now; he hadn't bothered to turn on a light. He stared at the illuminated numbers on the heart rate monitor and watched the even up and down motion of the green line. There was a steady beep in the background that Mustang had learnt to ignore.

He focused on the red numbers for a few minutes, not really paying attention to their meaning.

_89… _

_92…_

_97…_

_103…_

He blinked. 103?

Roy's heart jumped into his mouth and he shot up.

_That's not right, that's way too high!_

Roy darted forward to the edge of Ed's bed. His IV cord tugged on his hand and without thinking, he grabbed the needle and ripped it out. Pain shot up his arm, but he ignored it. He pushed the IV pole away and it rolled into the corner of the room.

Roy leant down, looking at Edward and then back at the heart rate monitor. It was still rising. The beeping sound in the background was getting faster and faster, and Roy's hands gripped the bed sheets tightly.

Not knowing what else to do, he quickly leant over Edward and grabbed the emergency call button, pressing it down hard.

He quickly looked back at the blonde alchemist. Ed's small frame had started to convulse; his blonde hair falling over his face and his mouth was slightly open as if he was silently screaming. Mustang swiftly bent forward and grabbed the boy's shaking shoulders, holding them down. Ed's arms protested and began to fight hard against Roy's grip.

The doors to Edward's room flung open and the light flickered on. Roy squinted as the brightness attacked his eyes.

Two nurses rushed forward, pushing Roy out of the way. There was a short, blonde haired nurse, who took over Mustang's position and a brunette who was observing Ed's vitals.

"He's having a seizure," the brunette confirmed. She quickly grabbed her pager and requested backup. The blonde nurse turned Ed's head to the side, and she used her own weight to try and suppress the convulsions.

Ed's doctor and another nurse ran through the already open door and Roy saw the guard outside stare curiously into the room.

The doctor took a quick look, "I need 20 milligrams of diazepam."

The brunette nurse scurried through a draw in the corner, pulling out a syringe and a small sealed bottle. She handed both to the doctor, who quickly inserted the needle into bottle and drew out some of its liquid. He held the syringe up to the light and squirted some of the fluid out. He swiftly grabbed Edward's -now flesh- right arm and jabbed the needle into it, administrating the drugs into his system.

"What's going on?" Roy demanded.

The doctor looked up at the Colonel as if noticing he was there for the first time.

"Get him out of here." The doctor barked. The nurse that came in with the doctor grabbed his arm firmly and put her other hand on his back, leading him out of the room.

"Wait, is he going to be okay?" he yelled, but the nurse continued to steer him out.

"Wait here." She told him, and went back into the room, closing the door behind her.

Roy stared at the closed door in defeat.

_Why is this happening?_

Turning around, he sat down on the chair in the hall, leaning forward and holding his head in his hands. He tightly gripped his hair between his fingers, ignoring the military officer looking at him questioningly.

He and Edward didn't always get along, but he'd always cared deeply for the boy; his faith in him had never once wavered and he was one hundred percent dedicated to helping the brothers get their bodies back, sometimes even putting his own career and future on the line to help. Which is why it pained him so much to see Edward like this.

_It can't end like this. I can't let it end like this, I have to do something._

He had no idea what to do though. He was out here in the hall, powerless and unable to help the blonde alchemist.

Roy thought about Ed's condition. They had no medical explanation for why he was in a coma. And his arm and leg had returned... Roy frowned. He had to know what happened on that night. Something on that night must be the cause for what was happening to the boy now.

There was only one known witness to the events in the ballroom.

He stood up and finally acknowledged the soldier in the hall with him, "Call a military car to come pick me up."

The soldier hesitated, "But sir, you're still-" Roy glared at the officer, "Yes sir," he saluted and ran down the hall.

Roy walked into his own room, closing the door behind him. He rummaged through his draws and pulled out his pristine blue uniform.

_Rose Thomas, I'm going to get the truth out of you no matter what._

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

**Hooray! Done done done! Now I know I took a little longer than promised, but I had a week off because I was away at an anime convention :3 it was epic fun. But aside from that week, I worked on this every single day for two weeks! It's very hard to get the words to flow right, at the moment. I think I'm in the middle of some kind of writers block but I'm forcing the words out. That's why I hate hate hate **_**hate**_** this chapter. So much. But I can't seem to make it any better so I'm just gonna update.**

**Yet again I didn't plan to end it here, but it seemed like a good place to finish. I hope that enough actually happens in this chapter and there's not too much rambling. I had originally planned to have Rose's interrogation in this chapter but then I got to my 3000 word target and it just seemed like a good place to finish. So that will be next chapter! Along with another little plot twist.**

**Also thank you to Gisel0202**** and ****Joker Oak for the reviews! I appreciate it a lot, though truthfully I did hope for more than two reviews, but I appreciate them none the less. But please please please review this chapter! I worked so hard on it! Even if it's just to say how much you hate it; I know I do. But reviews will definitely make the next chapter come quicker.**

**Thanks guys!**


	5. Revelations

Roy stared at himself in the small bathroom mirror; his normally pale face was as white as the sterile hospital walls surrounding him and small beads of sweat dotted his forehead. He donned his immaculate blue military uniform and through the thick fabric his fever ran rampant.

Straightening up, the gold stars upon his shoulders gleamed in the bright yellow light from above. Three stars: Colonel. With Bradley gone and Grummerman in his place, Roy was sure he'd receive a promotion once he was back on active duty. And he was certain to make that very soon.

He knew he was still injured and wouldn't be up for much, but he was fed up with sitting around. He had his team running everywhere trying to find some answers while he did nothing in hospital all day, ensnared in the spider's web of melancholy.

Without a second thought, Roy turned around and strode confidently across his hospital room. He had a plan. He just prayed his body wouldn't give out on him; usually at this time he would be kicked out of Ed's room and would proceed to sulk in his own, falling asleep shortly despite that it was only 7 in the evening. He also was no longer receiving medication since he had ripped the IV out of his hand, which ought to have some effect of his body.

He roughly pulled open the door to his room and strode out. Even though he doubted himself, he didn't dare show it on his face. Roy looked down the hall and saw the officer he'd sent to call him a car running back.

"Sir, there's a car on the way for you," he stopped in front of Mustang and saluted, not daring to puff too much.

"Good," Roy stated harshly, "From now on I want two guards at this station at any given time. There are to be no gaps in security."

"I'm sorry sir, but there just aren't enough officers at the moment to fulfil that order. We're short staffed as it is, and even me being here is pushing it. There's just so much going on in the military at the moment…" he trailed off.

Roy sighed, "I understand." He turned away from the solider and ran his fingers through his unwashed black hair. One guard would just have to do for the moment.

But now he was releasing himself, which would put one hundred per cent attention on Ed's safety.

Turning back around, he started to open his mouth to declare he was heading down to discharge himself, but stopped suddenly as the door to Edward's hospital room creaked opened. The doctor strolled out and Roy's heart began beating furiously in his chest.

The doctor walked up to him, not giving anything away in his facial expressions. He looked Mustang up and down, noticing the uniform, "And just where do you think you're going?" His voice was husky and very deep.

"I'm discharging myself; I'm going to the detention centre to interrogate a suspect. " He said plainly. He'd just realised he'd forgotten to breathe since the doctor walked out and took a giant gulp of air.

The doctor, probably in his late 50s, frowned at Roy and made a sound that was between a grunt and a sigh, "You know that your wounds are nowhere near being healed enough to leave. I refuse to consent to you being released, so if you discharge yourself and you get an infection, which you most likely will at this point, I hold no responsibly. You don't seem like the type of person I'll be able to talk out of this, so I won't even bother. I just hope you know what you are doing."

This man didn't intimidate him. Though Roy was young, he was also ambitious and had faced many authority figures to climb his way through the ranks.

"Good, because my mind is made up." Roy looked towards the door of Ed's room, "Now tell me, how is he doing?" The doctor followed his gaze. There was a very long pause before anything was said.

"He's stable now," The doctor said shortly. Roy closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. He thanked the God he'd never believed in.

Ed was still alive.

"What happened?"

"He was having a seizure." The doctor replied.

"Well that much was obvious," Roy retorted curtly without thinking. "Do you know why?"

The doctor made the strange grunting sound again at Mustang's comment, "Seizures are caused by abnormal electrical discharges in the brain. Seeing as he's been in a coma for the past 3 weeks with no atypical brain waves, we're going to send him off for a CT scan to see if we can find out any more about this. But first, do you know if he has a history of epilepsy? Has he ever had fits before?"

"Not that I know of, no."

"Okay then, what about any family history?" he questioned.

"I don't know; I've only briefly met his father and his mother died while he was still young. I have no idea what she died of, and no way of getting in contact with his father."

"I figured as much. I wasn't able to find any of his family files." The doctor sighed and scratched the top of his head, "Well hopefully the CT scan will reveal something we've missed."

Roy nodded. It was a huge relief that Fullmetal was okay, and even better that there was dash of hope. Maybe they could find out what was causing this. But it didn't mean he could sit around; he was still going to interrogate Rose Thomas.

"Are you still set on discharging yourself?" It seemed the doctor could read his thoughts.

"Yes."

"Okay, I'll show you what you need to fill out."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

As he walked through the automatic doors of the hospital, Roy undid the top button of his pale blue shirt under his jacket. The slight breeze outside was lovely. He breathed in deeply letting the crisp evening air fill his lungs.

He looked around; the place was practically deserted. He'd taken long enough to sign the extensive paperwork that relieved the hospital from liability should anything happen to him, so his ride should be here by now. He sighed- he was doing a lot of that lately- before walking over to a wooden bench placed in front of a small garden and sat down. The faint throbbing from his shoulder was getting stronger letting him know that his pain medication was starting to wear off. It would only get worse without an IV, so the doctor had given him a prescription for Vicodin, though he'd warned him to only use it when absolutely necessary as Vicodin had many unpleasant side effects, one of which was depression. Roy certainly had a history, and under current circumstances it looked like it might be rearing its ugly head once more so they didn't want to aggravate it.

"Hey Boss," a cheerful voice called. Roy looked up and saw Havoc sticking his head out the window of a parked military car. His blonde hair was as messy as ever and he grinned while skilfully keeping a cigarette perched between his lips. Roy stood up and made his way towards the car but did not return the smile.

"Havoc," he acknowledged. The blonde only smirked as Roy made his way into the back seat of the car. He pulled the door shut and the cool evening breeze was replaced with a heavier air lined with the smell of cigarettes. He restrained a cough as the smoke assaulted his nostrils.

"You know, the First Lieutenant is going to put a bullet in your head for this," the childish grin was still planted upon his face.

"Well, if what I'm planning goes smoothly, it'll all be worth it."

"So where to, Boss?" Things looked like they were about to get very interesting.

"The detention centre. I'm going to interrogate Rose Thomas and get some answers." Havoc started up the engine and checked his mirrors before pulling out. He kept his window down and hung his elbow outside. The breeze blew into the back of the car and cleared the air. Mustang took a deep breath in, mentally preparing himself for what was coming next.

"You know we've already questioned Rose Thomas, and she's refused to speak to any of us."

"I know, "Roy looked down at his bare hands. He felt very vulnerable without his ignition gloves and just as naked without any gloves on at all, especially in his condition. "But I have to do _something_."

Havoc looked back at Roy in his rear view mirror and smirked knowingly. He understood Mustang was referring to the situation with Fullmetal. He also understood he was willing to go to any lengths for his subordinates, even if it meant risking his own life. And he _was_ risking his life; it was apparent to Havoc that Roy was nowhere near well enough to be leaving the hospital; he was covered in sweat and was extremely pale. But he knew there was no point commenting on it; that's just how Mustang was.

No one spoke for the next 20 minutes, and the only sound was that of the wind in their ears. As they pulled into the car park in front of the Central Detention Centre, the blonde haired driver turned around in his seat to look back at the Colonel.

"Boss?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow. Roy jerked awake and stared at Havoc until he came into focus, "We're here, Boss."

He quickly wiped his mouth on his sleeve, "Let's go."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Roy scratched the back of his neck and stared through the one way mirror into the room behind the glass. He was in the area adjacent to the interrogation room; this small office consisted of a table along the front wall, which was covered with random buttons and pieces of technology. There were speakers so they could hear what was being said behind the glass and microphones so when needed they could communicate with the officers or accused in the room.

Through the mirror sat the young woman, Rose. Her pink bangs flopped in front of her eyes while the rest of her brown hair lay knotted against her back. She just stared down at her hands, not looking up. According to previous reports she hadn't spoken a single word since being detained. Not even a whisper. He found this very odd, especially since she hadn't even asked about her young child, who was currently being kept in a foster home.

Roy moved his hand into his pockets and stared at the roof. Now that he was here, he had no idea what to do. He'd had Miss Thomas brought to the interrogation room as soon as he'd arrived, but it'd been nearly 40 minutes now and he still hadn't made his move. And he had no idea what his move was. Obviously normal questioning wasn't going to work, they'd already tried that.

He'd asked to be left in private with the suspect, though the recorders would be running for the entire interview. But was he just wasting their time? He continued to stare at the roof for another 5 minutes before his neck began to ache and he again began to stare down Rose. He felt like he was waiting for something. Some sort of inspiration.

He knew what that inspiration was as soon as it walked through the door.

He didn't turn around; he already recognised the reflection in the glass.

"You didn't think I'd find out?" The person asked.

"Not at all, I actually expected you to arrive sooner. Quite frankly I'm disappointed, Hawkeye." He said, mimicking his usual cool tone, not letting past any emotion.

Riza scoffed, seeing through his bluff. She was probably the only one who could. And she was the only one he'd drop his mask for, "How did you find me?" he asked quietly.

"It wasn't hard, I figured you might try and pull a stunt like this so I requested that the hospital staff notify me if you discharged yourself," She explained, "Though that couldn't tell me where you were going. I have Havoc to thank for that."

"You're always one step ahead of me," he smirked, knowingly. They stood in silence for a minute before the heavy air got the better of Hawkeye. There seemed to be a lot of these awkward silences lately. They'd never had this problem before.

"What are you doing here, sir?" She sounded exasperated, "You should still be in hospital healing."

Mustang hesitated, "I couldn't do it anymore, Hawkeye."

She already knew the answer; she didn't know why she'd asked but she needed to hear him say it, "I understand, sir." She closed her eyes, "Have you been in to talk to her?"

"Not yet- I don't know what to say to make her talk."

"You're over thinking this; you came here for a reason. Subconsciously you know exactly what you need to do." For the first time since she'd entered the room, Mustang turned around to look at his First Lieutenant, staring into her bright crimson eyes. All the pieces suddenly fell into place.

"Thank you, Lieutenant. I think I'm ready."

"Not a problem, Sir. Did you want me to step outside?"

"No, you can stay if you want."

With a nod of her head, Mustang walked swiftly to the door of the interrogation room, turned the knob and walked in, his shoulders broad.

Rose looked up from her lap as he entered; he gave off an aura of confidence. He moved quickly and took a seat in front of her, "I'm Colonel Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist." Rose didn't say anything. Roy had seen pictures of her before, but they'd never met in person. She most likely had no idea who he was.

"I'm here to ask you some questions regarding the incident that took place 3 weeks ago now, you know the one I mean." Rose looked back at her hands, though her eyes obviously wider than before.

"I already know that you had something to do with it, now whether or not that is directly or as just a witness is what I'm here to find out. I'm here to help you, Rose." Roy noticed her hands tighten into a fist at his words.

He frowned. He had read the transcripts from her previous interrogations and the questions asked had been standard procedure. He knew he was going to have to go beyond that to get the answers he was looking for. He trusted Hawkeye to turn off the recorders.

"I'm going to cut to the chase," he said curtly, "if you don't tell me about what took place in the underground city, I'm going to make sure you get locked away for a very long time. You'll never see your child again."

Her head shot up and her indigo eyes widened at this comment, "No, please, you can't do that!" her voice came out as no more than a hoarse whisper, though the forced tone she used told Roy that she was attempting to yell at him.

Roy took a deep breath in, "I promise if you cooperate and answer my questions then I'll do everything within my power to make sure you're released and can get your son back."

Tears had already started to well up in her eyes it was obvious so much was going on in her head at that very moment.

"Okay," she whispered finally. Roy breathed a deep sigh of relief, as did Riza from behind the one way mirror.

"Tell me everything, start from the very beginning."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The first thing he noticed was the deafening silence assaulting his ears. He'd never heard anything like it before. It was violent and very painful making him wonder if he was actually deaf. He tried to focus on what was happening around him, but he found that impossible as every nerve in his body seemed to be on fire. Not only that, the whole world was spinning out of control; he was falling, plummeting to the ground at an unbelievable pace. He didn't dare open his eyes.

_This is hell._

That was the first thing that came to mind and it was the only thing that made sense. This was his punishment for attempting the forbidden again.

_Hell…_

What did that mean for his brother though? A flare of panic erupted in his chest, and tears welled up in his eyes.

He'd never felt emotions like these before. Wave after wave of worry, fear and panic crushed his weak body. These emotions were as real as any pain; he actually believed he was being stabbed in the chest.

_Oh God, just let it stop. Please…_

He continued to fall in agony. He didn't know how long it was before the sensations overwhelming his body began to subside, but after what seemed like days, even weeks, the flames engulfing him began to weaken.

He suddenly felt his body reach the ground; his frail frame smashed against it. All the pain stopped.

He lay there, silent and not moving, he might have forgotten how for all he knew. Though the real reason was fear; he was terrified that any movement could trigger the fire once more.

He tried to focus but it seemed all his senses had been taken away. He was completely numb.

He continued to lay there; he felt as if he was drifting in and out of consciousness. After a while he became aware of a strange sensation coming from his midsection. It wasn't a pain, nor an emotion- he didn't know how to describe it. It was the most unusual feeling he'd ever felt.

_What is happening to me? Am I truly in hell?_

Without thinking, he opened his eyes. He realised what he'd done a second later and braced for the waves of oncoming agony.

Nothing happened.

He could feel his eyeballs moving around in his head and he looked around. All he saw was white.

_Am I blind too?_

He could feel air entering his lungs, but he wasn't consciously breathing. He didn't feel as though he was in control of his own body; he sensed his right arm move but he wasn't the one doing it. At least he didn't think he was. He saw his pale, bony hand make its way into view and he knew he was not blind.

By now he was certain that the pain had passed and he used all his will power to push himself up. His neck was weak but he managed to hold his head up. He looked down at his body; he was completely naked. He could see every bone in his body through his pasty skin.

_When did I become so weak?_

"Oh, you're awake!" A rough voice exclaimed, "I thought you weren't going to make it for a while there."

That voice- he knew it from somewhere. It was so familiar, and yet it set off that horrible feeling of panic within him once more. Where did he know that voice from?

"But I guess it doesn't matter really, there's no way out of here. You could've died and it wouldn't have mattered in the slightest."

That voice…

He forced his neck to turn towards it, "At least I'm not stuck here with that pipsqueak brother of yours. You're not much better, but at least you don't look like that Bastard, Hohenhiem." His eyes fell upon the green hair homunculus and he felt himself shake in fear.

The voice belonged to Envy.

"No, you take after your mother, Alphonse."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

**OH MY GOD WHAT A CLIFFE! Bet you didn't see that one coming, huh? **

**Huge thanks to Cartoon Cow for reviewing the last chapter and giving me the motivation to update. This is dedicated to you!**

**Please review! They make the next chapter come a lot faster!**


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